What is Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse takes many forms and includes emotional, digital, financial and psychological, as well as physical and sexual abuse and coercive and controlling behaviour.

While the majority of victims of domestic abuse are women, domestic abuse can happen to ANYONE and lived experiences vary greatly.

Domestic Abuse can happen to anyone

The Crime Survey for England and Wales estimates that 1 in 5 adults aged 18 to 74 years old have experienced, or been witness to, at least one form of abuse before the age of 16 – that’s 8.5 million people.

1 in 4

women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime

14%

of domestic abuse victims are male

25%

of LGBTQ+ people experience violent or threatening relationships

80%

of child maltreatment fatalities involve at least one parent as a perpetrator

2 to 3

women die each week because of domestic abuse

30

women a week in the UK make an attempt to end their life due to the abuse they’re experiencing

40

Every 40 seconds a domestic abuse incident is reported to the police

81%

of domestic abuse incidents are not reported to the police

What does domestic abuse look like?

The law defines domestic abuse as any incident or pattern of incidents of any type of controlling, violent, bullying or threatening behaviour between people over the age of 16 in a relationship of any kind, that can include family members.

When abuse is psychological, mental or emotional rather than physical, it is often ignored, excused or denied – but these forms of abuse are just as dangerous and damaging.

Psychological or emotional abuse is often hidden from view but can have a devastating impact on someone’s ongoing mental health and self-esteem.

It can include:

persistent name calling and verbal abuse
constant criticism of your appearance or things you do
frequently undermining you
threatening to harm you, your children, your pets, or others close to you
ignoring you/the silent treatment
telling you you’re mentally unwell
gaslighting – making you doubt your reality, memory or perception

Physical abuse can be one of the first forms of domestic abuse that people recognise, often because it can be the most visible, through marks or injuries from the abuse, or seeing the abuse occur. It is however important to note that physical abuse or signs of it can be hidden, or in some cases explained away as something else e.g. we were play fighting, I’m clumsy.

Some examples of physical abuse are:

Punching, slapping, hitting, pinching, kicking, scratching or biting
Applying pressure to your neck or holding you down, strangling or choking you
Pulling your hair out
Spitting at you or near you
Using objects as weapons to attack or hurt you
Punching walls or breaking things
Sexual abuse
Female genital mutilation (FGM)

Sexual abuse is any behaviour or act of a sexual nature that is unwanted or happens without your consent. Penetration does not have to occur for an act to be considered sexual abuse.

It can include:

Unwanted kissing or touching
Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity
Rape or attempted rape
Refusing to use condoms or restricting your access to birth control
Threatening you into unwanted sexual activity
Pressuring or forcing you to have sex or perform sexual acts
Using sexual insults toward you
Forcing you to watch pornography
Sharing intimate photos or videos without your consent or threatening to do this

Financial and/or economic abuse can involve depriving someone of access to their own money and/or the ability to make their own financial decisions.

This can include:

Taking away/using your bank card without your consent
Being forced to give a portion of your salary or benefits to someone
Debts being taken out in you name without you knowing, or being coerced into taking out loans or credit cards which you’re then unable to access but are responsible for repaying
Controlling your access to essential things, such as food, clothing or transport
Stopping you from going to work, college or university to earn money or gaining qualifications to progress your career
Causing loss of benefits by not letting you attend appointments at the Jobcentre or apply for jobs

Harassment and stalking are when someone persistently and repeatedly behaves towards you in a way that makes you feel scared, threatened, or distressed.

Harassment can include:

Sending abusive text messages or images
Posting abusive messages on social media
Making unwanted or offensive phone calls

Stalking can include:

Following you
Going to your home uninvited
Hanging around at or turning up to places you often visit
Watching or spying on you
Identity theft (signing-up to services, buying things in your name)
Writing or posting online about you if it’s unwanted or you know

Online stalking or harassment is when someone monitors, stalks, harasses, threatens, controls or impersonates you using the internet or other technology.

It can include:

Monitoring your internet use, email, social media interactions, or other electronic communication
Cyber flashing – sending unsolicited sexual images to you
Obtaining access to your email and social media accounts
Spamming and sending viruses to your devices
Identity theft
Threatening to share your private information, photographs, copies of messages
Adding tracking software to your devices

With technology being such a big part of life, and the increased use of social media and other online platforms, online or digital abuse has increased.

Some examples of digital abuse are when someone:

Tells you who you can or can’t be friends with on Facebook and other sites.
Sends you negative, insulting or threatening emails, Facebook messages, tweets, direct messages or other messages online.
Uses sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and others to keep constant tabs on you
Posts negative things online about you.
Sends you unwanted, explicit or sexual pictures and/or demands you send some in return
Pressures you to send explicit video or sexts
Steals or insists to be given your passwords
Constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you will be punished
Looks through your phone frequently, checks up on your pictures, texts and outgoing calls
Tags you unkindly in social media posts

Coercive control is an act or pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten.

Perpetrators of abuse use acts of controlling behaviour over a sustained period of time to make you doubt yourself, be dependent on them and isolate you from your wider support network.

It may not be obvious that this is happening to you because the very nature of coercive control is that someone is convincing you that what they are doing is in your best interest, or that there’s a good reason for their behaviour. 

Isolating you from friends and family
Depriving you of basic needs, such as food
Monitoring your time
Monitoring you via online communication tools or spyware
Taking control over aspects of your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep
Depriving you access to support services, such as medical services
Repeatedly putting you down, such as saying you’re worthless
Humiliating, degrading or dehumanising you
Controlling your finances
Making threats or intimidating you

You can read more about key domestic abuse issues in our blogs below.

Are you in an abusive relationship?

Are you prevented from seeing friends or family or from leaving the house?
Are you constantly criticised?
Has someone threatened to ‘out’ you?
Has anyone ever shared pornographic pictures without your consent?
Does anyone constantly check up on you or follow you?

Have you been forced into an arranged marriage?
Have you or your children been hurt or threatened?
Does someone control you and your finances?
Have you been forced to have sex against your will?
Are you afraid?

If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of these questions, you could be experiencing some form of domestic abuse.

Safe in Sussex exists to help women experiencing domestic abuse and to prevent domestic abuse by promoting healthy relationships.

We know that domestic abuse can have a lasting impact – we’re here to help.

Quick Links

refuge Accommodation

If you are a woman suffering in an abusive environment and have nowhere to go, we can provide a safe place to stay.

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Community Groups

Our women’s community groups and programmes are free, welcoming, confidential, non-judgemental opportunities to meet other others with similar experiences.

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Individual
support

For attendees of our community groups needing additional help or advice based on their individual circumstances.

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Each person’s journey is unique to them, and we strive offer inclusive support to all. In doing this we also recognise the importance and value of the work that other domestic abuse organisations do and the support and expertise they’re able to provide. For more information about other services please visit our useful links page.

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