It’s OK… I’m fine.

Why checking in with someone could be life-changing

We’re often asked: What should I do if I think someone I know might be experiencing domestic abuse?

The answer doesn’t require expert knowledge. Time and again, survivors tell us that the most important person in their journey was the one who simply noticed they weren’t quite themselves and cared enough to ask.

They might have said “I’m fine” the first time. Maybe even the second or third. But that gentle, repeated check-in “Are you OK?” created a moment of safety and trust. It opened the door for them to take the first step toward getting help.

Behind Closed Doors

Abusers often appear charming and loving in public. But behind closed doors, they may use control and manipulation to undermine confidence and self-worth.

Common phrases might include:

“You’re worthless.”
“It’s all your fault.”
“I’m the only one who cares about you.”
“No one will believe you.”

When you ask someone if they’re OK, you’re quietly challenging those lies. You’re reminding them they matter and that someone sees them.

You Don’t Need to Have All the Answers

You don’t need to be a domestic abuse expert. In fact, it’s better not to offer advice or say what you would do. Everyone’s story is different: walking in their shoes, even if you’ve had a similar experience, is never the same.

Instead, try these four simple actions:

Four Things You Can Do

1. ASK IF THEY’RE OK
You don’t need to mention domestic abuse. Just show you care.

2. LISTEN
Put your phone down, avoid distractions, and give them your full attention. Feeling heard is powerful.

3. BELIEVE THEM
Let them know you believe what they’re saying. It may be the first time anyone has.

4. SIGNPOST SUPPORT
• If they’re in immediate danger, call 999 – that’s always the right response in an emergency.
• The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is available 24/7 on 0808 2000 247 and offers confidential support.

Together, We Can Make a Difference

No matter how brilliant support services are, we can’t end domestic abuse alone. Real change happens when we all take responsibility. When we notice. When we care. When we ask, “Are you OK?”

Sometimes, that one question can change everything.